Date: Saturday, January 9 2010
Venue: WINTER GOLF in Shanghai
Golf outings are few when conditions get to 5 degrees and less but when a few of us saw that this Saturday’s temperature would rise to heat wave conditions of 10deg C, we started e mailing around to see who could play.
Jim Logan’s e mail excuse for not playing this weekend.- Saturday 9th Jan 2010
To Peter Armitage, Peter Grant and Mark Wood:
OK, so here's the deal. Last Friday morning, slightly suffering from the effects of quite a few beers the evening prior, I decided to start replacing the light bulbs in the chandelier in the living room of my house. The damn thing has no less than 30 friggin bulbs located on 3 levels, the lowest level being approximately 3-1/2 meters off the floor. Of course, I wasn't going to play it risky so I decided that I would only replace the bulbs on the lowest level - which required about 8 bulbs to be replaced.
So I had determined that it was OK to locate my step ladder on top of my wife's prize table (oh, she's going to be pissed when she sees the notch I took out of the corner), and be able to reach the bulbs if I stood on the second highest rung. No problem. Balance was fairly well under control. So I proceeded to take the faulty bulbs out, and while I was at it, remove the glass bowl that surrounds each bulb and go wash the dust out of it ---- i.e. my hands were wet !!! This is important.
I'm proceeding around the lower level of the chandelier, bulb by bulb, until I get to one stubborn bastard. Bulb came out OK. F'n glass bowl wouldn't come off. So I'm fussing with the bowl, trying to get the plastic retainer nut off the socket, when WHAM !!!! 220 volts of alternating current from the local Chinese power company was racing between my left hand and my right hand. Seems I forgot to turn off the light !!!! Stuck my wet finger in the socket. Drew a friggin arc !!!
Weirdest thing, for a split second and while I had absolutely no control over my upper body, I could think quite clearly. I realized in that fraction of a moment that the only way that I was not going to end up frying on the vine was to "fall". Just kick out the ladder I said to myself !!! So I did. Well, that's when things got ugly. After nearly jolting the whole chandelier out of the ceiling (as you know, electricity causes your muscles to contract, so it wasn't easy to let go - thank God I put on a little weight over the holidays, which helped to pry my fingers off the chandelier as I was going down), the middle of my back landed squarely on the corner of my wife's prize table (by the way, that sucker is solid - it didn't give a bit). Then I proceeded to flip off the edge and squarely plant my forehead on the concrete tile floor. Keep in mind that my upper body was completely numb by then, and my heart was beating like a jackhammer !
So I'm laying on the floor of my living room, chandelier swinging back and forth, writhing in pain from a huge knot on my forehead, and a couple (if not more) cracked ribs --- saying to myself ---- I need a drink, this is going to hurt for a while.
So there, it's going to be a bit tough to play golf this weekend !!!
Regards,
Jim
